So I had a really good talk with Chris about his story. He came to me saying Phil had disagreed with his current story so we sat down to rewrite it. His three elements being a sword swallower, a train and a camera, we set down on paper a few ideas.
I will give my opinion here. I find the sword swallower to be a very specific character. I find it quit gruesome yet quit interesting. Chris's first idea was to have a skeleton sword swallower who has fallen from grace and keeps a spectator less show in an old train. So I though it would be interesting to keep this idea of out of favor. Sword swallowers don't run the streets today, with supposedly only about a hundred acting today.
So the story involves this out of favor artist. He owns a train and uses it to assassinate the critics who disowned him in their column. To keep the theme of sword swallower he has attached his old sword to the front of the train and, having attached the poor fellow on a small platform set on the track, sends the machine full speed into the captive. Yet the position of the prisoner is interesting as he is capable of swallowing the sword. This is still quit vague and I think the train should go quit slowly so that the sword slowly enters his throat with killing him.
The camera is attached at the front of the train, and the madman captures the face of horror as the sword is about to be swallowed. He then develops the photograph and puts it on his wall. At one point we will have a look at the wall with all the newspaper pages where the selected critics have voiced their discontent. We then see the multiple pictures of their terrified faces as the madman enacts his horrible revenge.
This might be quit violent, yet we agreed that the violence should only be implied and not shown. The movement and heavy dynamism of the train should explain the extreme violence involved.
Note to Chris:
- I think the train should not hit him at full speed. He could start at full speed, terrifying the prisoner, who expects to be crushed. The train should then brake violently, and we understand that the sword, which is shown earlier, slowly enters the captive. You could actually have them not die, simply showing the sword entering their throat, before he activates the reverse and takes it out. Like this you avoid death being implied, yet you still get the terrified look on the critic's face.
1 comment:
First things first Paul, thank you for the talk we had earlier, it was definitely a great insight into what I could do, with, as you say a very specific character.
With your notes here, it seems that you've thought about the story even more since I left, which is also great. But the whole idea about the train slowing down has me a little confused. If we go back to what we where talking about, about having this guy own his own train on his own stretch of track. If he has only a certain length of track why would he speed up to full speed only to slow down again. I'm trying to imagine this with the camera work we discussed, the fast cuts of shots? The guy driving the train is as we discussed a psycho and is looking for revenge, if he speed up and then slowed down with a roaring brake, it would seem the same as if a normal train driver saw the tided up captive just in time.
Also with the Critic, he is a critic, not a sword swallower. I know this is only a cartoon/animation but we have to be slightly realistic here, the ability to sword swallow takes years to achieve, not in just one swift motion.
Although saying all of that, the idea of just scaring the victim does take that gruesome side of the story away, which we both agreed needed to be tamed in a way. but on the way home i thought of an idea. Imagine the original storyline, the train is speed down the track, the camera switches from the train to the victim and back to the train and back to the victim, repeating over and over, train getting closer and closer. Then just before the train comes in contract with the victim, the camera flashes! Blinding the screens view, this fades out then fades back into the red light room of the psycho's 'flat/living quarters'. Let me knwo what you think. Once again thanks for the help.
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