Monday, February 7, 2011

Sribd Screenplay

I did this quit quickly, Ill spend more time on the layout when the story will be at a higher level of completion.

Unwilling Artists

1 comment:

tutorphil said...

Okay - yes, your script does need work, because I had to read it a number of times before I understood the spatial relations between the characters - principally that the painters were not 'artists' on the street, but rather painters on a suspended platform, and that the other person (not the joke shop owner) is in the room, outside of which the painters are working. Actually, I like most of your idea (see the suggestion below), but I wonder if you could make the joke-shop owner and the guy with the fire extinguisher the same; so, for example, the joke-shop owner chases the boys up the stairs (because they go through the staff only door in his shop, right?); the boys are obviously fitter and quicker, and so get to the top of the building with their bags of itching powder - while the joke-shop owner (who might be a bit portly and red-faced) only makes it as far as the level outside of which the painters are working - therefore, he is there to see the painter catch on fire, and so reaches for the fire-extinquisher and sets the next bit of action together. You can still have your nice montage sequence, but intercutting between the boys charging up the stairs, the painters, and the slower, comedic huffing and puffing ascension of the joke shop owner. Otherwise, you basically have a 'non' character who is simply there to perform a single function - and he starts to feel like a 5th wheel.

There's a feel and quality to your story that so reminds me of the Gershwin segment from Fantasia 2000...